2017's top embarrassing jihadi moments

by LT. COLONEL JAMES G. ZUMWALT, USMC (RET) August 4, 2017

The first six months of 2017 have provided some highlight moments for Islam's 21st century jihadi warriors, but not the type that would particularly make the Prophet Muhammad proud.

Muhammad - the warlord founder of the "religion of peace" - wherever he is spending eternity, must be shaking his head in disbelief after several less-than-stellar jihadi performances have been recorded.

Fourteen centuries ago, Muhammad sought to promote the image of the mighty Muslim fighter defeating great enemy armies or courageously dying on the battlefield trying. But Muhammad is learning Allah just doesn't make 21st century warriors like he used to.

In May, members of the militant group Takfiri in Syria - one or more of whom were hell-bent on becoming suicide bombers - videotaped themselves at a festive party. They were shown, surprisingly, in a karoke sing-a-long - surprising because both singing and using such Western entertainment technology normally are frowned upon by Islamists.

But before these Arabic singing Elvises could complete their song, one of them reached down, perhaps to loosen his suicide belt. Instead of adjusting the belt, the Elvis in question triggered it.

The ensuing explosion understandably brought the party to an abrupt and bloody end with several Takfiri celebrants given the life-ending surprise of their lives. Karma unleashed its sweet revenge as the group had been involved in detonating explosive devices in Syria, Lebanon and Iraq.

A month earlier, eight ISIS fighters quietly positioned themselves amongst the dense reeds in an otherwise open area located in the al-Rashad region of Iraq. They were preparing to ambush local Ubaid tribesmen who had been opposing the terrorist group. Suddenly, there was a loud rustling sound amongst the reeds that grew louder and louder.

Unbeknownst to the militants, the ambush site they selected was also a resting area for a herd of wild pigs. Spooked, the beasts, notoriously known for being short-tempered, became enraged.

A role reversal suddenly occurred as the would-be ambush attackers - the ISIS fighters - instead found themselves the victims of an ambush by the pigs. By the time the reeds fell silent again, three ISIS fighters lay dead, having been gored to death. The remaining five militants managed to reach safer ground.

Normally, "Boars shy from human contact... provided they are left alone. When provoked, they are known to attack ferociously and repeatedly with their sharp tusks. ... They have even been known to kill tigers." We can now add ISIS fighters to their victim list.

Needless to say, the means by which battlefield deaths were inflicted upon these three fighters was embarrassing, and "death by pig" triggers an unfortunate religious stigma as well.

Islam prohibits having anything to do with pork. Having contact in any form is a sin. Muslims take the ban so seriously, those living in the West even seek to shut down eateries from which the smell of frying bacon emanates and pig farms situated too near mosques.

Thus, it is highly possible three of Muhammad's Muslim minion warriors, felled on the battlefield by pigs obviously allied with the infidels, may well not have passed the sniff test for entry into paradise for failing to have strictly abided by one of Islam's tenets.

Surviving ISIS fighters, after recovering the mutilated bodies of their comrades, returned to slaughter the feral pigs, bringing then animals' alliance with infidels to an end!

Again, these ISIS fighters' gory fate represented karma in action. Only days earlier, the ISIS fighters had killed 25 civilians attempting to escape their brutal authority.

And, again, Muhammad was left shaking his head in disbelief over his fighters' ineptness.

Another video making its way across the Internet earlier this year recorded an additional highlight moment for Muhammad. Taken in Afghanistan, it revealed Taliban fighters suffering from ineptness as well.

An armed Taliban executioner leads three Muslim prisoners, hands bound behind them, to an execution site. He forces them down on their knees. Inexplicably, the executioner sets his rifle down next to a prisoner who, unobserved, had freed himself of his hand restraints. The prisoner suddenly head-butts the executioner, grabs the rifle and begins shooting his captors.

Among those running for cover as the shooting erupted was the cameraman, who dropped his camera in the chaos. Therefore, while one can hear gunshots and groaning, one is unsure of the final outcome. But the cameraman's failure to retrieve his camera and continue filming suggests the prisoner had effected a role reversal with his would-be executioner.

The second half of the year appears to be off to a similar start. On July 1, a male ISIS suicide bomber, dressed as a woman, entered into an Iraqi displaced-persons camp. There, he detonated his device, killing 15 people, including children.

With Muhammad's "courageous" fighters willing to die dressed as women, perhaps a recent statement made by a senior U.S. medical officer officer at Guantanamo was most appropriate. He reported the facility would be happy to offer prisoners there "gender transition assistance."

But the biggest blow to Muhammad's psyche should come later this year. For, once again in Islam's 1,400-year history, a Muslim leader, declaring he would establish a caliphate to rule the world, has failed to deliver.

For three years, ISIS inflicted death and destruction in fulfillment of this role. Its leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, eventually claimed the caliph title but lost it, along with his life, in May during a Russian airstrike.

Meanwhile, Baghdadi's caliphate is in shambles. While its ultimate destruction lies ahead, Muhammad will have to await the rise of yet another caliph pretender.

Historically, Muhammad's Islam has nurtured self-proclaimed caliphs who rallied their followers with a call for jihad. While today's crop of jihadists may provide us with some video highlights, they will, unfortunately, continue to till their infidel killing fields.

A version of this piece also appeared on http://www.wnd.com/    

Lt. Colonel James G. Zumwalt, USMC (Ret.), is a retired Marine infantry officer who served in the Vietnam war, the U.S. invasion of Panama and the first Gulf war. He is the author of "Bare Feet, Iron Will--Stories from the Other Side of Vietnam's Battlefields," "Living the Juche Lie: North Korea's Kim Dynasty" and "Doomsday: Iran--The Clock is Ticking." He frequently writes on foreign policy and defense issues.


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