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May 14, 2008

Exclusive: Both Democrat Candidates Plagued by 'Big Mouth' Liabilities

Gabriel Garnica, Esq.

By this time it should be obvious that Democrats are heading toward a far more interesting summer than they anticipated or, for that matter, desired. We have the first serious African-American contender for the White House mathematically headed toward the nomination and the first female aspirant for that same goal mythically headed for the same brass ring. Common sense dictates that one of these two is playing a losing hand, staring down his or her opponent while holding a delusional set of cards.

We have one contender within sight of the finish line, just about ready to raise his hands in victory and being fitted for the gold medal. We have the other contender falling behind, incredulous as to how her alleged cake walk to victory became a pie in the face. This spectacle, in and of itself, is certainly fascinating in some ways, but it is only half of a story which keeps getting better. You see, the apparent loser keeps smiling, is already waving her hands in pre-victory celebration, and acts as if she knew something the rest of us do not.

Big Mouth City

If the recent past has shown us anything, it is that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have become big mouth babysitters. Each must contend with familiar big mouths; each has a pair of loose-lipped liabilities ready, willing and able to rain on their parade at any moment. Hillary has, of course, Bill, whose rhetoric and lip-biting once caused audiences to swoon like Sinatra once did. Sadly, Bubba has become more of a liability now, tripping when he used to glide and hitting the wrong buttons when he used to play the rhetorical switchboard like Mozart tickled the piano.

If Hillary's "better half" is an ill-conceived, counterproductive remark waiting to happen, what are we to say of her "own half"? She has certainly proven her own mouth to be a worthy opponent of her husband's, just as ready to spew some yarn about ducking snipers, restoring world peace or pushing across some noble legislation. The phrase "Here Lie the Clintons" is not some romantic twin burial plot sign, but an acknowledgement that "here" means the planet earth and "lie" is precisely what the Clintons seem to do best.

If Hill and Bill have been known to sink their own ships with loose lips, what of their opponent Barack Obama? Thankfully for the Clintons, Obama has his own big mouth concerns. First and foremost, he has the biased boomerang, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who is ready, willing and able to spew doom at any time. Sure, some polls have indicated that the Wright factor has, so far, not been a mortal blow by any stretch to Obama. However, only a fool would believe that it has not done some damage, perhaps more than can be accurately quantified or proven. Furthermore, the continuation of this Wright stuff would be the wrong stuff for Obama to face. Despite Obama's attempts to distance, disown and decry Wright's rants, they will likely come back to haunt him. In fact, it is reported that Wright is angry and feels betrayed by a man who has suddenly found their long association and friendship an uncomfortable shirt to wear.

From any angle, Rev. Jeremiah Wright seems enough of a load to carry for anyone concerned with his public reputation but Obama, like Clinton, has another big mouth to control - that of his own wife Michelle. Not exactly the picture of gentle warmth and teary patriotism, Michelle Obama often seems more likely to invite Hugo Chavez to brunch than wave an American flag or bake an apple pie. Her comments about just now being proud of America were about as delusional and mindless as one can get. Simply put, anyone believing for a minute that making such public remarks could help a spouse be elected president has to be smoking The New York Times or riding a banana boat with Harry Belafonte. Imagine waiting for a job interview while your spouse puts down the company interviewing you.

Hillary's Selective Exit Strategies

Hillary Clinton's call for a responsible and sensible Iraq exit strategy seems amusing in light of the fact that she refuses to provide such an exit for her own campaign. Here we have a politician telling us that she knows when it is time to fold ‘em while she keeps insisting that her losing hand is a royal flush. Either she has lost all touch with reality or, as is more likely, she has a card up her sleeve.

It is apparent that Hillary figures that she can be close enough in the popular vote, perhaps even win it, and claim that this makes the Democrat contest a virtual tie. Why concede to Obama's clear and insurmountable mathematical advantage when one can dabble in a cocktail of cold politics and intoxicating public perception? Clinton clearly feels that she can turn Obama's victory lap into a dance with doom through the stroke of her political savvy and Machiavellian machinations.

Game of Chicken and Political Roulette

The game of chicken entails two contestants trying to win by waiting out their opponent, hoping to be the last to blink, either in a head-on drive or sticking their heads in front of an approaching train. Here we have Hillary and Obama, refusing to blink and hoping that the other will pull out just before some impending political disaster, be it utter defeat or public disapproval.

Russian roulette is the infamous game wherein two contestants risk their lives by gambling that the single bullet in a gun is not discharged the next time each pulls the trigger aimed at his or her head. Here we see our Democrat duo spinning the chamber of their associations with big mouths hoping that the next comment from one of them will not be fatal to their respective campaigns.

Perhaps this is why Hillary appears optimistic as she eats Obama's dust. Maybe she is willing to eat a little dust now in the hope that he will be eating crow in the near future. After all, she has an angry, bitter, and vengeful preacher feeling pretty betrayed these days who is unlikely to be elected shy man of the year. She has her opponent's spouse who is seemingly capable of complaining about the inconveniences of an Ivy League life while trampling on the country that enabled such a life.

Perhaps this is why Obama has been able to so far weather the storms created by Wright, Michelle and even his own "bitter clinging" comment. After all, he has a bored, ex-political rock star husband on the other side whose talent for pointing fingers and denying reality is only overshadowed by Hillary's own penchant for fiction.

Conclusion

America most likely never expected to spend this summer watching two politicians waiting for the other shoe to fall, the other mouth to spew or the other side to blink, but that is precisely what this country has found in this bizarre political year. Will the leader of the foot race break both the finish line tape and the hearts of a political couple hungry to matter again? Will the apparent loser of that race get the controversial call or October surprise she seems so confident of getting?

Only time will tell who loses his or her head in the political game of chicken which only seems possible because, to a degree, enough voters have already lost their own.