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HOME > PUBLICATIONS > Exclusive: 50 Politically Correct Christmas Songs Sure to Make Your Holiday Bland*

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December 24, 2008

Exclusive: 50 Politically Correct Christmas Songs Sure to Make Your Holiday Bland*

Ben-Peter Terpstra

1. Patriarchal, Colonial, Lookist, White Christmas (White Christmas) 

2. I Saw Big Daddy Kissing Santa Claus (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)
 
3. Rudolph, the Endangered Reindeer (Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer)
 
4. Jingle Bell Kabbalah Pop Remix with Camp Choir (Jingle Bell Rock)
 
5. Classic: John Lennon’s Happy Christmas – War is Over. Note this song was a spectacular hit in Red Vietnam’s Concentration Camps.
 
6. Short-Statured Drummer Boy (Little Drummer Boy)
 
7. Hugging the Xmas Tree (Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree)
 
8. Useless Fetus’ First Christmas (Baby’s First Christmas)
 
9. Santa Claus is Coming Out in Town (Santa Claus is Coming to Town)
 
10. Grandma Got Run Over by Bush’s CIA (Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer)
 
11. Classic: Live Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas with patronizing vocals by Bono.
 
12. Holiday Song (The Christmas Song)
 
13. Snoop Dogg’s Christmas – the Gang Bang Remix (Snoopy’s Christmas)
 
14. Frosty the “Stop Global Warming Now!” Snowman (Frosty the Snowman)                    
 
15. Don’t Call Me Santa Baby, You Sexist Pig! (Santa Baby)
 
16. Green Christmas, With Earth Brown Tones (Blue Christmas)
 
17. All I want for Xmas is Red Soviet Dental (All I Want for Christmas is My  
     Two Front Teeth)
 
18. Do You Feel What I Feel (Do You Hear What I Hear)
 
19. There’s No Winter Wonderland in 2008, the Al Gore Dance Mix (Winter
     Wonderland)
 
20. Group Huggin’ by the Mistletoe (Kissin’ by the Mistletoe) 
 
21. Let Them Tax, Let Them Tax, Let Them Tax (Let It Snow, Let It
      Snow, Let It Snow)
 
22. Merry Kwanzaa Jesus! (Christmas Auld Lang Syne)
 
23. Sleigh Ride – Instrumental with New Age Gongs (Sleigh Ride – Instrumental)
 
24. Zen Bells (Jingle Bells)
 
25. Last Christmas in Warming Apocalypse (Last Christmas)
 
26. Bush’s Santa Claus is Watching You (Santa Claus is Watching You)
 
27. Allah Rest Ye Merry Infidels (God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman)
 
28. We Three Queens of the Asia-Pacific Region (We Three Kings of Orient Are)
 
29. You Obviously Had a Troubled Childhood, Mr. Grinch (You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch)
 
30. Feel, Feel, Feel (Still, Still, Still)
 
31. O Come All Ye Global Warmists (O Come All Ye Faithful – Adeste Fideles)
 
32. Good King B. Hussein Obama (Good King Wenceslas)
 
33. Bells of Occupied Bethlehem (Bells of Bethlehem)
 
34. Here We Come A-Recycling (Here We Come A-Wassailing)
 
35. It Came Upon the Midnight Queer (It Came Upon the Midnight Clear)                     
 
36. O ACLU Night (O Holy Night)
 
37. Christ Was Born on Occupied Land (Christ Was Born on Christmas Day)
 
38. Yoga Night, 7.00 PM! (Silent Night)
 
39. Dance of the Evil Soft Drink Companies (Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy)
 
40. Unidentified Flying Objects We Have Seen On High, with Dennis Kucinich (Angels
      We Have Heard on High)
 
41. The “First” Noel (The First Noel)
 
42. Bring a Torch, KKK Liberals – President Woodrow Wilson’s Movie Party Remix
      (Bring a Torch, Jeannette Isabella)
 
43. The Twelve Days of Kwanzaa (The Twelve Days of Christmas)
 
44. Carol of the Dying Ivory-Billed Woodpeckers (Carol of the Birds)
 
45. Joy to the United Nations (Joy to the World)
 
46. Deck the Halls, with Union Labor or Else (Deck the Halls)
 
47. Good Green Evangelicals, Rejoice (Good Christian Men, Rejoice)
 
48. Hark! The ACLU Censors Angels (Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)
 
49. Come Let Us Adore Us (Come Let Us Adore Him)
 
50. Donde Esta Santa Claus? I give up!
 
* Conservative translations in italics
 
FamilySecurityMatters.org Contributing Editor Ben-Peter Terpstra, an Australian-European satirist, is a contributor to a number of websites, from On Line Opinion (Australia's e-journal of social and political debate) to American Thinker. His pieces are also posted on his blog, Pizza Trays and Beer Bottles.
 
 

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