Exclusive: FSM's 2009 'Hope and Change Awards'

by THE EDITORS January 13, 2009
Awards season has arrived and Americans are being treated to the likes of the People's Choice Awards, Golden Globes, Academy Awards,the Grammy Awards and many more, celebrating the best that 2008 had to offer the American public in the world of entertainment.
 
As we enter this new era of hope and change, FamilySecurityMatters.org offers you the 2009 Hope and Change Awards, celebrating the best from politicians and other public figures whose dedication to their version of hope and change in 2008 went above and beyond the call of duty – and sometimes taste.
 
Behold: this year’s winners!
 
MOST HONEST POLITICIAN AWARD: Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) Most politicians cloak welfare state initiatives in phrases such as “economic stimulus package.” But in an interview with Lesley Stahl on 60 Minutes, Frank was, well, refreshingly frank:
 
"No, we're not propping up companies," Frank insists. "That's your mistake. We're propping up individuals. The world doesn't consist of companies. The world are people. The country is people. And yes, it is possible to argue that the government..."
 
"But then you're talking about welfare," Stahl says.
 
"Yeah, I'm for welfare," Frank replies. "You're not? Are you for letting people starve?"
 
BIGGEST BACKSTABBER AWARD: Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) After a disappointing campaign, members of John McCain’s staff began – anonymously – blaming Sarah Palin for their man’s loss, calling her a diva and telling us that she – gasp – once opened her hotel room door while wearing a towel. Yet when asked about this roiling rumor mill by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, McCain merely said that “these things happen in campaigns” and chose neither to explain the rumors nor denounce those spreading them.
 
Yet he was quick to denounce the GOP after the election for highlighting Barack Obama’s relationship with scandal-plagued Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, and pointedly refused to endorse Sarah Palin for a hypothetical presidential run in 2012. Next time McCain says “my friends,” you can be sure he’s not talking about members of his own party.
 
THE SYCOPHANTIC FOREIGN ACTOR AWARD: Aussie Simon Baker, star of television’s “The Mentalist.” His making it big in the States means that Baker can join the likes of Sean Penn, Will Smith, Susan Sarandon and other brain trust thespians who have been embarrassed by America for, oh, the past eight years. He doesn’t follow sports but does follow politics which, he says, can be “tricky.” But the election of Barack Obama was an example of “this country being very grown-up” and a “positive step for the U.S. to become a part of the world again.” Coming from a man who makes a living by playing dress-up and pretend, that’s a very comforting thought. And when Australia elects its first Aborigine as prime minister and apologizes to the world for joining us in Iraq, we’ll be sure to return the compliment.
 
THE GRUBBIEST FINGERS AWARD: Rep. Joe Knollenberg (R-Mich.) In an interview with Fox News’ Neil Cavuto, Knollenberg helpfully explained that, contrary to popular belief, government money does not belong to the taxpayers:
 
Cavuto: "When the housing industry CEOs come to you and say, 'You know, [if] we go under and all the ancillary businesses – the dishwasher manufacturers, the washer-and-dryer manufacturers, the Lowe's and the Home Depots that vastly depend on our being alive and vibrant – if we go under, there's hell to pay. And then the textile manufacturer comes to you and says, 'If we go down, there's hell to pay.' And on and on and on we go. Where do you draw the line with our money?"
 
Knollenberg: "It is not your money.”
 
Cavuto: "It is! It is taxpayers’ money!"
 
LEAST AMOUNT OF MORAL AUTHORITY AWARD: Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.) Dodd, who along with his House counterpart Barney Frank, was in charge of overseeing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac – which collapsed last year after we were assured by lawmakers that the federal mortgage concerns were sound. Dodd was the top recipient of campaign contributions from Fannie and Freddie between 1989-2008, and received VIP rates on his homes in Connecticut and Washington from the beleaguered Countrywide Mortgage. He has yet to release the details he says will exonerate him from doubt.
 
So while the auto industry was in the thick of bailout mania last year, Dodd righteously called upon the head of GM to resign as a part of restructuring with government money, saying, “I think you have got to consider new leadership.” You don’t say…
 
MIDDLE FINGER AWARD: Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-Ill.) Despite being caught red-handed trying to sell Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder, among other things, Blagojevich blithely headed back to work after being arrested by the feds. And, in spite of warnings from fellow Democrats not to do it, went ahead and appointed someone to that seat. Take that, Harry Reid!
 
THE UH, RIGHT AWARD: Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal.) Just a few days before the election, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "Elect us, hold us accountable, and make a judgment and then go from there. But I do tell you that if the Democrats win, and have substantial majorities, the Congress of the United States will be more bipartisan."
 
OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN AWARD: Hamas. Unable to keep their sticky fingers off the “launch” button, Hamas has once again begun lobbing rockets toward Israel. And like an overbearing parent, Israel is totally overreacting to this latest example of youthful high spirits. Whatever happened to just sending the kid to bed without supper, or grounding him for a month, with no phone or computer privileges? It’s time Israel began taking parenting classes in order to “understand” where Hamas is coming from.
 
“SHADES OF EVITA” AWARD: Caroline Kennedy, American princess. She’s just an average citizen – only better! Despite, you know, her spotty voting record and work experience comprised of spending a couple of hours a week, you know, “supporting” public schools, Kennedy could, you know, be the next junior senator from the great state of New York! Sure, you know, she’s worth gazillions and her name (not her face) is her other fortune, but someone who, you know, isn’t afraid to ride the subway or eat a grilled cheese sandwich at a diner would make a crackerjack senator. She’s in good company, you know, as plenty of other lawmakers have law degrees that haven’t seen the light of day since, you know, graduation. Viva los descamisados!
 
“JUST LIKE YOU” AWARD: Oprah Winfrey, talk show host, magazine magnate, and friend of Obama. Having built her fame and fortune on a talk show that appeals to everyday women of modest means, rumor has it that now Winfrey is looking for a home in Washington D.C. so that she can remain close to Barack Obama – to give him advice on how to keep his appeal to everyday Americans fresh, perhaps? (After all, Obama consistently won the “understands problems of people like me” poll awards, so he’ll need a way to stay up-to-date.) And just like you would, it is rumored that Winfrey has her eye on a 9-bedroom Georgetown mansion listed at about $50 million (denials abound).
 
BIGGEST BROWN NOSER AWARD: The media. When it comes to Barack Obama, it seems the soon-to-be president can do no wrong. A dreaded smoker, you say? Let’s cut him some slack. Says “uh” and “um” a lot? Well, at least he doesn’t mispronounce “nuclear.” Beginning his sentences with, “I have always said,” let’s ignore the fact that he has never said it before or has said something the polar opposite.
 
An excellent example of this double standard can be seen in how the media reported Obama’s workout regimen. While having shown revulsion over George Bush’s “creepy obsession” with working out that “takes time away from other priorities,” we learn that Obama’s time at the gym is “his time for himself, a chance for him to reflect. It's his break. He feels better and more revved up after he gets in his workout."
 
Let us not forget Chris Matthews’ leg tingle – now the stuff of legend.
 
THE JACKIE “O” AWARD: Michelle Obama. For those who yearned for the glamorous days of Camelot, wait no longer! From her much-heralded fashion sense to her “just a regular working mom like you making over $300K” status, Michelle Obama is sure to be the most rewarding First Lady we’ve ever had. We may have had a laugh at Hillary Clinton’s botched attempt at health care, but the new Jackie has similar sentiments – and looks better presenting them. And don’t worry about Michelle’s latent pride in America, either. With the current emphasis on style over substance, we should be proud to have a woman in the White House whom fashion magazines will be able drool over for the next four years.
 
WALKS ON WATER AWARD: Barack Obama, (D-President-elect) Just when you thought politics were permanently mired in the gutter, along comes the man Oprah Winfrey dubbed The One™. Despite his consistent habit of befriending people with criminal backgrounds and horrifying beliefs (William Ayers, Tony Rezko, Rev. Jeremiah Wright) – and subsequently throwing them under the bus for his own political gain – and despite the fact that the majority of Americans do not support Obama’s oft-stated policy positions, Obama has charmed the pants off and the brains out of the majority of the American electorate.
 
It’s possible that once he actually has to take a solid position on the issues – a feat he’s managed to avoid throughout much of his career – Obama’s popularity rating may plunge. But don’t worry, Obama fans – the MSM will be sure to paint him in the most flattering light possible in order to keep those poll numbers up, up, up!
 
Brought to you by the editors and research staff of FamilySecurityMatters.org.

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