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January 19, 2009
Exclusive: January 20th: It’ll be Inaugur-iffic!
In a matter of days, Barack Obama will be sworn in as the nation’s 44th president. Now normally, the Obamaton would be reveling in the magnificence of his own aura, but instead, he is dealing with a few flies in the ointment. And while he would probably just love to blame these bumps in the road on George W. Bush or Vince, the ShamWow guy, the real culprit stares the president-elect in the face every time he looks into a mirror.
You see, in an effort to appeal to all people, all of the time, Barack Obama has made some dubious choices when filling his Cabinet. These men and women come with a jet full of baggage and skeletons in their closets that would scare Freddy Krueger. For Obama’s sake, he had better keep some cleaning supplies in this Cabinet, because sooner or later, someone is going to make a mess of things.
Naturally, when one is talking about messes, the Clintons immediately come to mind. President-elect Obama shocked the world when he asked Hillary Clinton to be his Secretary of State, because doubters believed that she would rock the boat. After the announcement, Clinton played the good solider, smiled for the cameras, and gushed over “8-Minute Abs” Obama. Everything was bliss.
And then it happened.
On the eve of her confirmation hearings, Hillary became “Shrillary” again. The junior senator from New York flexed her cankles and scoffed at the notion of full disclosure. In a nutshell, the presumed Secretary of State does not want to discuss information about her husband’s donors.
“Hillary Rodham Clinton, President-elect Barack Obama's choice for secretary of state, rejected calls Tuesday for more details about donors to her husband's foundation, saying she has revealed enough to avoid even the hint of conflicts. An Associated Press review found that Clinton stepped in at least a half-dozen times on issues involving businesses and others who later gave to the charity.”
Why is it that every Supreme Court nominee, Major League Baseball player, and “evil, unlicensed plumber named Joe” is forced to answer Hillary’s inane, pointless questions, but the Hill-dabeast is cheerfully appointed Queen Mum? Considering a candidate with less campaign experience than “Pedro,” trounced this woman, it would probably be in her best interests to put on her face – scary – go before the confirmation panel, spill her guts, and be darned grateful for the opportunity!
But, then again, if she did that, most Americans would think that her body was taken over by the pod people.
Barack Obama may be having second thoughts about appointing a Clinton to a Cabinet position, but his choice of Timothy Geithner is rock solid. Or so the Obamaton thought. Unfortunately for the incoming Treasury Secretary, it was just revealed that he was a little lax in paying his taxes. Ouch!
“Timothy Geithner paid most of the past-due taxes days before Obama announced his nomination in November, an Obama transition official said. The unpaid taxes were discovered by Obama’s transition team while investigating Geithner’s background, the official said.”
He paid “most” of his back taxes before the nomination? Oh, no worries then! Geithner should be all paid up by the time he is sworn in, which means that come April 15th he will be in the perfect position to send regular Americans to the gallows for not reporting the $25 birthday check from Uncle Sal and a year’s worth of found pennies.
Well, if Obama is forced to sweat a few Cabinet nominations, at least he can breathe easy during the actual inauguration ceremony, right? Eh, not so much.
The NAACP is protesting the long and storied tradition of the marching of the Mobile Azalea Trail Maids in the Inaugural Parade. Apparently, their Civil War-era dress offends the Alabama chapter of the NAACP: It reminds them of slavery. Seriously.
Maybe these good folks missed the constant news stories and hourly updates, but the Obama camp has repeatedly announced that they are modeling the inauguration around an Abraham Lincoln theme. Obama has made no secret of his admiration of the 16th president, and he even plans to use the Lincoln Bible when he is sworn in. Now, for those of you who graduated from a liberal high school, university, or clown college (aka Yale), Abraham Lincoln was the president who went to war over the slavery issue. Yep, no reminders of slavery there!
For Barack Obama, Inauguration Day should be one of the greatest days of his life. The last thing the man needs is to experience worry or anxiety before he is sworn in as the first African-American president. As the leader of the most powerful nation on earth, plenty of people will want to embarrass him soon enough.
Unfortunately for President Obama, some of those same people may be sitting next to him during his first Cabinet meeting.
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective fromPhilly. You can visit his blog here.
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