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June 20, 2009
Exclusive: Fashion! Turn to the Left. Fashion! Turn to the Right.
There were a lot of high profile, potentially world-changing stories that came across the news wires this week. The stories ran the gamut from the sublime to the ridiculous. In Iran, people have been taking to the streets in protest of their presidential election shenanigans. After the 2000 American presidential election, the worst example of “protest” was Al Gore growing a beard. In North Korea, resident madman Kim Jong Il is threatening to launch a nuclear war, because it is much more important to rattle a saber instead of say, feeding your people. Oh, and President Barack Obama fired an Inspector General who was investigating one of his supporters. Nothing to see there.
Naturally, one would think that the above stories would be of utmost importance. However, one would be wrong. See, there is a much more pressing issue that affects each and every person on this big blue marble we call Earth. The Council of Fashion Designers of America held its annual awards on Monday night. Who is the Council of Fashion Designers of America? Members of the Council are like the Jedi Council, but instead of lightsabers, they wield hatpins. They protect and defend the rights of clothes-wearing citizens everywhere. In short, they are the fashion police.
Most of the awards were bestowed upon the giants of the industry. Apparently, the CFDA believes that First Lady Michelle Obama is one of these giants. That’s right; Michelle Obama – the woman who wore the curtain from the old Merv Griffin Show to the Inauguration – is being recognized as a fashion icon:
“The fashion industry made it clear at its annual awards ceremony Monday night that it's looking to future stars to see it past the doldrums of the recession, shunning longtime favorites and honoring a largely new guard: Rodarte, Proenza Schouler, Alexander Wang – and Michelle Obama.”
Michelle Obama, are they kidding? Last week, this woman was seen wearing something from the Cyndi Lauper Collection: a white top with multi-colored fabric wrapped around her stomach. It was an abomination that even Peg Bundy would not be caught in at her insane, inbred family reunion. What’s next for the First Lady, feathered boas? The article continues:
“Noting her ‘meteoric rise as a fashion icon,’ CFDA president Diane von Furstenburg said Obama had "a unique look that balances the duality of her lives" in her roles as trusted adviser to her husband, President Barack Obama, and busy mother to their two daughters.”
In light of recent events, would anyone in their right mind admit to being a “trusted adviser” to President Barack Obama? Everything this guy touches turns to deficit! In five months, our 44th president has nationalized the auto industry, shipped Guantanamo detainees from one beach to another, and offended our British, French, and Israeli allies many times over. If Michelle really wanted to be recognized as a fashion icon, she would wear an “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt on “date night” with her husband.
But wait; do not rush for the duct tape and the brain aneurysm medicine just yet. Here comes the pièce de résistance:
“Obama accepted her award via a pre-taped video speech. Wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and two strands of pearls, she honored fashion as an American ‘art form’ with ‘ingenuity and craftsmanship that contribute so much to our economy and culture.’”
Considering how the Obamas view American ingenuity and craftsmanship, one should expect to see a government takeover of Old Navy, J. Crew, and Kenneth Cole very soon. Heck, the president can even appoint Michelle at the new CEO, because like Obama’s pick to head up General Motors, Mrs. Obama knows nothing about fashion. Who knows, maybe she will bring back Chess King? It is probably safe to say that everyone in America would like to see Barack Obama strutting around the White House Rose Garden in parachute pants and a Michael Jackson zipper jacket. He could even wear one glove while he’s at it!
Of course, the thought of the most powerful man in the world wearing clothes straight out of Miami Vice is a ludicrous one. In the same vein, the thought of Michelle Obama being seen as a fashion Messiah is just as ludicrous. Her sense of style isn’t entirely nominal, but the First Lady is not Jackie O, either. The much-revered wife of President Kennedy would never wear what could be called lingerie to a magazine cover shoot. Jackie O would be the epitome of class and dignity, and she knew that what was appropriate for a private occasion was not always appropriate for the public.
Michelle Obama is currently the First Lady of the United States. As such, she should project an image of refinement. No one expects Mrs. Obama to come out looking like Nicole Kidman every day, but she also should avoid dressing like Nicole Richie, too.
Hopefully, this award will facilitate real “change.”
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective from Philly. You can visit his blog here.
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