Exclusive: A Page from Barack Obama’s Diary – Making My List and Checking It Twice...If You’re Naughty, Watch Out!
by PAM MEISTER
August 10, 2009
There’s been a lot of discussion about a recent blog post on the White House website that encourages fellow Comrades fellow Americans to forward fishy information either sent in e-mails or passed along through casual conversation to my Kremlin Reichstag White House staff. Many people are worried that Rahm, David and I might be creating an enemies list in order to more effectively silence my critics.
To quote bitter clinger Sarah Palin, you betcha! (Remind me to remind Rahm to contact our media allies and “encourage” them to turn up the heat on that pain in the butt. She’s really starting to irk me with her “patriotic American” schtick. That got old back in 1776.) Anyway, yes, I’m making a list and checking it twice. Why do you think I hired so many people from the Clinton administration? When it comes to dirty politics and getting away with breaking the law, those people really know what they’re doing. It helps to have seasoned pros on your team. Not that my Chicago pals couldn’t have handled it – I still laugh when I think about Rahm and the dead fish – but there’s power in numbers.
Speaking of numbers, thank goodness I have the backing of the unions, otherwise those town hall meetings might well have done in my plans for ObamaCare. I can’t wait until school starts next month – I’ll be counting on teachers to scare the kids so that they go home and tell their parents that ObamaCare is the prescription for what ails America. It worked for Al Gore, right?
I know damn well that the outcry against
socialized medicine health care reform is truly a grass roots movement, and that’s what has me worried. If the Dems in the Senate and House get sufficiently spooked that they could lose re-election, they may well vote against the first step toward my plans for Obamatopia. I even have this great poster that will be hung in doctors’ offices, clinics and hospitals around the nation: So what are determined Marxists to do? Get the Astroturf machine rolling. E-mails like this one are flooding the inboxes of the faithful as I write, and union bullyboys are busily beating up those who dare to assert their First Amendment freedoms under that blasted Constitution. I hope more congressmen will take a cue from New York and hold “invitation only” events to keep the rabble out, or “electronic town halls” where unwelcome questions can be cut off. Honestly, who do Americans think they are? I’m getting sick and tired of this “individual liberty” crap. They’ll take their socialized medicine and like it! No, it’s not grape flavor. That’s not cost effective – neither is keeping fatties and old folks on the system. “Communitarianism” is the word of the day. Basically if it doesn’t benefit everyone, than into the medical waste dumpster it goes.
Oh, quick note: I have to make sure British MP Daniel Hannan is put on the no-fly list. We can’t have him coming over here and telling Americans what a disaster the NHS is when I’ve used it as a model for ObamaCare.
Now, where were we? Oh yes, ObamaCare. My critics wonder why I’m still in what they call “campaign mode,” never staying at the White House to actually get something done. Well, the truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing. I only know what I want, and like the spoiled only child I was, my game plan is to whine and cajole and constantly bombard people until they give in to my demands. As an adult, campaigning got me everything I wanted and more. That’s why Air Force One is constantly on standby, gassed up and ready to take me wherever my little heart desires.
You know what really makes me mad too, Diary? Rumor has it that some people think I’m not masculine enough, citing my narrow shoulders and the fact that when I play basketball, I never go into the paint. And people wonder why my enemies list is warranted?
One more thing: for those who wonder if my snitch list compilation of e-mail addresses is legal, I have only this to say: my ideological pal Sonia Sotomayor was just sworn in on the Supreme Court. Take that, teabaggers. (I had to ask Anderson Cooper what that meant.)
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