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Senior Intelligence Officials: Attempted Terror Attack "Certain"

The five senior leaders of the U.S. intelligence community told a Senate panel they are "certain" that terrorists will attempt another attack on the United States in the next three to six months.
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August 15, 2009

Something Fishy This Way Comes

Satire by Shawn Goodwin

President Barack Obama must be a graduate of the Dale Carnegie School, because he is winning friends and influencing people all across the country. Unfortunately, he is winning friends on the radical, fringe left, and influencing the rest of the people in a strictly negative way. Obama is doing so with his latest “Get Poor Quick” scheme, where his administration is encouraging folks to rat out their fellow citizens who are spreading “disinformation” about ObamaCare. The president is actually suggesting that people e-mail any “fishy” health care information to him at flag@whitehouse.gov.
 
Some Republicans, including John Conryn from Texas, dared to ask the Obamatons the difficult question: Who the heck do you think you are?
 
Conryn was responding to a message on Tuesday from Obama's director of new media, Macon Phillips, who asked on an official White House blog for members of the public to forward questionable claims to the administration.
 
"There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation," said Phillips.
 
"Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov," said Philips.
 
The definition of “disinformation” is currently under debate. Republicans claim that the president believes any hidden facts about the health care plan come under this umbrella, while the Democrats believe that disinformation includes anything that would put the administration in a bad light. For his part, President Obama stated that disinformation covers any negative publicity about his social programs, snarky comments about Michelle’s 8-minute arms, and all jokes about his powder blue lips and Prince Charles-esque big ears.
 
Noticeably perturbed at the decision of ordinary Americans to question and challenge the president’s policies, the Obama administration has expanded the “fishy” idea to include a slew of surprising topics. To wit:
 
A few weeks ago, the FAA decided to obtain an updated photo of Air Force One – by attempting a low-level flyby of New York City. Yeah, that’s smart. Realizing their mistake, the administration has set up a website for irate Manhattan residents traumatized by the photo op. So starting next week, any New Yorkers who experienced emotional or psychological trauma due to this idiotic publicity stunt can voice their complaints at jetlag@whitehouse.gov.
 
Last week, President Obama brought cupcakes to the White House Press Room for birthday girl, and human Muppet, Helen Thomas. She is now 129 years young. The iconic reporter shares her birthday with the president, and in a magnanimous gesture, the administration set up a website for Thomas’ fans. Interested parties are welcome to send birthday greetings to Helen at oldbag@whitehouse.gov.
 
Recently, Beltway sources revealed that the president is a big fan of cheesy television game shows. This is understandable, since he grew up watching them with his typical white grandmother. Years later, President Obama’s curiosity has gotten the best of him, and he is anxious to look up anyone who entertained him as a youth. As a result, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced that anyone with credible information on the whereabouts of 1970s-era game show celebrities should send an e-mail to FrannieFlagg@whitehouse.gov. 
 
It is only a matter of time before the “fishy” smell is so pungent in Washington that Nancy Pelosi will be walking around the House of Representatives dressed like the Morton Salt girl while Harry Reid’s new nickname will be “the Gorton’s Fisherman.” Of course, people trust the Gorton’s Fisherman. Reid? Not so much.
 
For the past eight years, Democrats and their supporters spent their ample free time comparing President Bush to Adolf Hitler. They stated that he was a Nazi, he infringed upon the rights of American citizens, and he threatened the people of the world with imperialist rule. Of course, Bush did none of these things, but that didn’t stop people like Dick Durbin and Harry Reid from destroying him. 
 
The irony, of course, is that this “fishy” program is exactly the type of shenanigans that would be approved in Nazi Germany or the former Soviet Union. Of course, no one in the Obama administration is a Nazi – although a few may be Communists – but the fact remains that this policy is at the top of a very slippery slope. No American wants to tune into a presidential press conference and hear something like, “Comrades, it is your duty to turn in your friends, report your neighbors, and make the Motherland proud!”
 
This sort of thing is not the “change” America has been hoping for.
 
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective from Philly. You can visit his blog here.

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