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August 24, 2009
Exclusive: A Page from Barack Obama’s Diary – I’m Now CEO of God, Inc.
Dear Diary,
As I write this, I’m on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard. While bitter clingers enjoy tacky “staycations” – keeping cool in the kiddie pools in their backyards, taking day trips to the petting zoo at Stew Leonard’s and guzzling cheap beer – I’m enjoying myself at one of the most exclusive, expensive areas in the nation. Sure, I’m picking up the tab but I can afford it, thanks to all of the suckers avid readers who bought the book ghostwritten by William Ayers my heartfelt tribute to my father. And the kid glove treatment by the press? It’s to be expected, of course. They may bash other rich folks for being greedy spendthrifts and bash Republican presidents for daring to take time off, but when it comes to yours truly, they know on which side their bread is buttered. Plus, Rahm knows where each and every Beltway editor lives, and he has an open line of credit at the Maine Avenue Fish Market.
What cracks me up is that while they praise me for only taking a week off, I’ve taken plenty of other time off at the taxpayers’ expense. All those town hall meetings? What, does the press count that as work? And how about my trip to the Grand Canyon? Yup, it’s good to be the king president.
Anyway, I have more exciting news to talk about than my vacation. Guess what? I’m now the CEO of God, Inc. It was a hostile takeover, sure, but it’ll be worth it in the end if I’m going to get my socialized medicine health care reform rammed through passed by my minions in Congress thoughtful legislators who will do whatever I tell them have taken the time to read the bill and understand it thoroughly. I’ve been accused of having narcissistic personality disorder, but would a narcissist make such a low-key announcement of such a major event? Here’s how it happened: I was on a conference call with about 1,000 rabbis and told them that “we are God’s partners in matters of life and death.” What I really meant to say was that I’m the Chief Execution Officer Chief Executive Officer of God Inc., but Teleprompter was on a coffee break, so I kind of goofed. “We” are not partners in anything. I’m now the CEO and I call all the shots. I’ve had lots of practice, seeing as I now run GM and much of the banking industry. Being in charge of life and death should be a cinch.
But how to do it?
One of my favorite movies of all time is Logan’s Run. Because of limited resources, all humans are scheduled to die when they turn 30 – they go to Carousel to be “renewed,” but it looks more like they’re electrocuted while everyone else watches. Ha ha, I love that scene! Unfortunately, too many people have also seen Logan’s Run, so it’d be a bit tough to get them to fall for it. So I needed another strategy.
My answer? Socialized medicine disguised as “health care reform.” By paying for abortions while setting cost-effectiveness standards that will hit the elderly the hardest, I’m on my way to making the money last a little bit longer.
To be honest, if I could get away with it, this guy would be the first to go:
How dare he mock me? I’m the president. As I’m fond of reminding people, I won! What’s the saying? Oh yeah, membership has its privileges. And this is the most exclusive club in the world. If Americans think that they have a say in any of this, they have another thing coming.
So here I am, president of the United States and CEO of God, Inc., vacationing at an exclusive retreat while my subjects other Americans not as fortunate as I have to stay in their stinking hovels hard-earned homes this summer. Just think – I have more than three years to add even more honors to my already impressive resume.
Pass the piña coladas!
Pam Meister is the editor of FamilySecurityMatters.org.
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