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September 8, 2009
Exclusive: A Page from Barack Obama’s Diary – What I REALLY Wanted to Say to Students Today
Dear Diary,
As school starts for many across the nation today, I’ll be giving my much-heralded major speech on the importance of education to those students lucky enough to hear my dulcet tones and see my inspiring visage on television. But then again, every speech I make is a Major Speech™, so why should this one be any different? I know I can’t get enough of OTV.
Unfortunately, there are some bitter clinger parents who plan to send notes in to school asking that their children be deprived of the awe inspiring Obama experience. I suppose the part of the accompanying lesson plan asking them to write letters about how they can help Yours Truly was a bit transparent, so I had to scratch that. And the speech itself is pretty boring. But then, we all know what happens when I go off script – a lot of uhs, ums, long pauses and embarrassing gaffes revealing my true character and intentions that make Joe Biden look like Einstein. I like it well enough, though, because there’s plenty of talk about my favorite subject: me.
Besides, after the whole Van Jones affair, it’s even more important than ever that I keep my true intentions cloaked until it’s too late for anyone to do anything about it. Van (geez, I thought I had an odd name!) may be gone, but there are still plenty of czars left, and plenty of vacancies to create and fill. The possibilities are endless! Note to self – nominate an Education Czar who will mandate that ALL children listen to my speeches in the future. No playing hooky or parents’ notes will exempt them in the future!
So for now, a low-key speech where I “connect” with the kids, showing that I “get” where they’re coming from, is a good first step. But I thought I’d share the text of my original speech with you, Diary. I expect that one day in the near future I’ll be delivering this speech in front of millions of adoring children. Thomas Sowell was right when he said, “All dictators want to get their hands on the kids.” (Hey, remind me to have Thomas Sowell investigated.)
The speech:
Hi kids! I thought I’d take a few minutes out of my really busy schedule and talk to you about the importance of education. I’m the president, you know. I won.
I know a lot of you hate school and can’t wait until the day you graduate and can go out into the real world and get jobs as carpenters, plumbers, electricians, soldiers and so on. Frankly, this speech isn’t for you – people like you tend to have a firm grasp on reality and will probably end up being bitter clingers like your parents who didn’t vote for me. So you can go to the library and read comic books or something. The kids I want to talk to are the ones who want to go on to college to become lawyers, college professors and performance artists.
Are they gone? Cool. So let’s see: education. Why is it important? Well, it’s not so much the education that’s important. After all, anyone can learn that two plus two equals four and read a history book about a bunch of dead white guys who created the most oppressive and domineering nation on earth. That’s what those weird kids who get homeschooled do. And grades themselves aren’t really all that important. If they were, don’t you think I would have released my school transcripts for public consumption?
No, what I’m talking about is the educational experience. See, kids, when the flower children of the 1960s finished demonstrating against Vietnam, got out of college and had no choice but to stop dropping acid and join the real world, they didn’t want to do dull things like become construction workers, small business owners or work in factories. That’s what their dull, boring parents did. They wanted to change the world! But how best to do that? The demonstrations were just the beginning. And they realized that if they were really going to change things, they were going to have to start from the ground up.
To that end, some of them became lawyers, who would then become judges, who would then change the fabric of this nation by legislating from the bench. By the way, you’ve all heard of my good friend Sonia Sotomayor, right? She’s another example of academic excellence not being an obstacle to becoming powerful and influential – she was a product of affirmative action. Hear that, white kids?
Others realized that to effect change, you must start with the nation’s youth. And so they became teachers, both at the elementary and secondary levels, as well as the college level like my good friend Bill Ayers. He used to blow things up to change the world; now he helps set educational agendas. No longer is school just about learning how to read, write, do math and learn about science and history. It’s a place where you learn about how destructive humans are in general and America in particular. You learn about how we’re killing animals like polar bears because we’re greedy about things like energy. You learn about how we oppress other peoples and nations, especially those in Muslim nations. You learn that whenever there’s a problem in the world, America is probably at the root of that problem. Deconstruction theories are popular because they take apart the known and scramble it up, creating a new “reality” that didn’t exist before the professors got their hands on it. Get it? Don’t worry; you will.
We’ve come such a long way from school the way it used to be in that hokey white folk movie A Christmas Story. Now, instead of bringing in an apple for your teacher and writing an essay on what you want for Christmas, you can’t even mention Christmas – but you can learn about Kwanzaa, which was started by a former Black Panther and convicted felon, and about Ramadan. Some schools don’t even say the pledge of allegiance anymore. Now that’s progressive!
So here’s where you come in: You may have learned about John Kennedy’s famous speech where he said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” I took that statement and updated it for the 21st century:
“Ask not what you can do for your country, but what you can do for Barack Obama.”
There’s another old saying from that time: “Don’t trust anyone over 30.” I’ve altered it to “Don’t trust anyone over 30 who doesn’t work for the government.”
Are you with me? Are you ready for hope and change? Are you ready to show your bitter clinger parents you know better than they do? Join Obama’s Youth Corps today! My friends Rahm and David are right over there; they’ll tell you where to sign.
Thank you very much for coming. Red Kool-Aid and cookies are being served in the back for everyone except the fat kids. They get melba toast and water.
Pam Meister is the editor of FamilySecurityMatters.org.
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