September 29, 2009
Exclusive: A Page from Barack Obama’s Diary – Screw All of Our Other Problems: I’ve Got Olympic Fever, Baby!
Pam Meister
Dear Diary,
Wow, I’m still coming down off of the high from last week. No, not that kind of high – I gave that up a long time ago. I’m talking about the performance I gave to my adoring fans important foreign policy speech I gave at the UN. They ate it up: soft power, apologizing for America being the worst country on earth, a hand of friendship extended to our traditional enemies, upholding rights for those misunderstood “enemy combatants,” engaging the world, leading by better example, and my desire to give up unilateralism and channel U.S. foreign policy through the UN. Just words, of course, but as they come from me, they hold a lot more weight than they would from anyone else. It’s like being a parent: when giving an ultimatum, Junior says, “Why?” and Dad says, “Because I said so!”
All that said, I can’t understand why Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would go behind my back and set up a secret nuclear enrichment site near a military base in Iran. In fact, it really hurt my feelings. But I figure that another sternly-worded statement will bring him around. Maybe he just had an ineffective translator.
There’s some other nonsense going on in Afghanistan. Gen. McChrystal is whining about needing some extra troops there or something – I kind of forget. I’ve been busy and I haven’t had time to talk to him more than once since I’ve appointed him. Some have accused me of dithering, but it’s important to look at all of the angles, especially when it comes to the support of key leftwing groups like MoveOn.org. I can’t afford to lose their support. And don’t forget, victory is not necessarily the goal in Afghanistan. I’m sure the military can hang in there a little while longer while I try to figure out what the most politically expedient right thing to do is.
But what I’m really excited about is my upcoming trip to Copenhagen, Denmark to make a personal bid for the 2016 Olympic Games in Chicago. It’ll be my first trip to Denmark, and I wish I could be there longer, but I have to get back in time to make more speeches across the U.S. in order to shill for my rotten socialist health care package that no one really wants convince the American people how my health care reform will truly benefit them. What, you thought I was coming home to work? You’re such a card, Diary.
Michelle is coming, of course. I promised her that she’d get to come on all of the really fun trips, taxpayer dollars be damned. Besides, she needs a place to wear her really sexy outfits, not just at those dreary posthumous Medal of Honor ceremonies.
I look at this as a way of paying back the most important people in my life – Mayor Daley and the Chicago Political Machine who helped to put this humble community organizer on the map. (Plus, I don’t think my campaign has paid the city back for my million dollar election night shindig.) One thing I’ve learned – political favors outweigh any obligation I have to my constituents, in this case, every American citizen. And those who dare oppose my wishes – those Chicagoans who don’t want the Olympics there – had better beware.
There’s so much to do to get ready for my trip. I’m thinking of bringing an iPod pre-loaded with my most important speeches (geez, how do I choose?) and Broadway tunes for each member of the Olympic Committee. And then there’s the ultimate dilemma – which tie goes better with which suit?
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Reader Comments: Submit Your Comment (2)
This article is unfair. Every other head of state is going to the Olympic selection in Denmark. Olympic brings business and many other advantages to the host country.
posted by : Daviid
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 03:50 AM
Yes, but I'm not concerned about those other heads of state. I'm concerned about mine. And perhaps if he didn't spend so much time in general gadding about rather than working in the Oval Office, this wouldn't have jumped out at me. But we have a lot of problems right now - America is being flushed down the sewer with regard to economy, security and sovereignty - and he never seems to find time to stay home to do something constructive. He has time to jet to Denmark when he can't be bothered to speak to his commander in Afghanistan more than once in a two month period? When he's been saying "for years" that Afghanistan is where we need to be?
Sure I'd be proud to have the Olympics in the U.S. again. I just wonder if it should be a priority of the President to shill for it during these troubled times. The Olympics are not all that important in the big picture.
Besides, part of me wonders if he'd care so much if it was a city other than Chicago in the running. Call me cynical...
posted by : Pam Meister
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 10:34 AM
