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November 7, 2009
Exclusive: Dr. Obama Recites His Hypocritical Oath
The name Afghanistan means “land of the allied tribes” in Sanskrit. Apparently, those ancient tribesmen have a flair for the ironic. Afghanistan has several local tribes, but most of them get along as well as David Axelrod and FOX News. Interestingly, the name Obama is African for “slightly bent,” which President Obama surely was this week when he called to congratulate Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai on his reelection. The American president has little love for his Afghan counterpart, and had the unmitigated gall to suggest that Afghanistan’s August 20th election was rife with voter fraud and ballot stuffing.
This accusation comes from a man who cruised to an election victory with the help of nightstick-wielding Black Panthers manning the polls in Philadelphia. Note to Philadelphia: unless their name is Steven Seagal, most election overseers are not dressed in black paramilitary uniforms with berets. Anyone who really confused these toads with official poll watchers should immediately be deported to Burkina Faso. Not only did President Obama not punish these Thugocrat election observers, he rewarded the morons by dropping all criminal charges against them. Hope. Change. Anarchy.
Of course, Barack Obama would never let facts get in the way of a good dressing down, so he broke out the Rolodex, ordered one of his manservants to dial Karzai’s direct line, and flexed his spindly arms in front of a much-needed ally in the War on Terror. After looking out an Oval Office window to make sure that he was still thousands of miles away, the most powerful man in the world – after David Hasselhoff – put on “Mr. Angry Face” and talked tough to the Afghan president.
President Barack Obama greeted Hamid Karzai’s election victory with as much admonishment as praise on Monday, pointedly advising America's partner in war he must make more serious efforts to end corruption in Afghanistan's government and prepare his nation to ultimately defend itself.
"I emphasized that this has to be a point in time in which we begin to write a new chapter," Obama said in describing his phone call to the Afghan president. When Karzai offered back assurances, Obama said he told him that "the proof is not going to be in words. It's going to be in deeds."
Words. Just words. Barack Obama repeated this mantra ad nauseam during the 2008 presidential election, and promised swift action and decisive leadership upon his ascendancy to power. Since his inauguration, he has signed legislation ordering the withdraw of troops from Iraq – there are still about 100,000 American soldiers there – and the closing of the detention center at Guantanamo Bay – it’s still open 24 hours a day for all of your late-night barbed wire needs. The president then approved a $787 billion; yes billion with a “b,” stimulus package that apparently helped one man from New Mexico land a job as a ski instructor. Snow, however, will not be appropriated until the next stimulus plan is signed. Considering the president’s track record, he should probably not be lecturing Hamid Karzai on the difference between words and deeds.
Unfortunately, this administration does not know when to quit while it is behind. If it was an amateur move to show up the Afghan president on his big day, it was certifiably bush league – no pun intended - to do so again through Obama’s flunky, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. This man is as arrogant as Simon Cowell, with half the talent:
The White House made clear that the election gave Karzai legal legitimacy but not necessarily any new boost of credibility.
"Nobody has ever made the accusation that credibility was going to be had simply out of one election," Gibbs said.
Well, nobody but you and your boss, anyway. After reading Robert Gibbs’ comments, he and President Obama should familiarize themselves with a few famous words: “Physician heal thyself.” The Obama administration demanded credibility the moment the last fraudulent ballot was cast, and held up acknowledgments from ACORN and Daily Kos as examples of true bipartisan support. Right. That is like Ben Stiller expecting an Oscar nomination for Zoolander because Owen Wilson had fun working alongside him. The fact of the matter is that few presidents in American history were less prepared for the job than Barack Obama, but at least those few had the good sense not expect to be treated like John Adams. Besides, John Adams did not make a point of publicly humiliating his allies. Well, except the French, but they usually deserve it.
Despite Obama’s protestations, the fact of the matter is that as Afghan president, Hamid Karzai is locked in an almost untenable situation. Afghanistan is a war zone, and there are many forces – Americans, British, Taliban, al Qaeda, and possibly Martian – battling at the same time. He is getting no help from neighboring Pakistan, and rumor has it that they are harboring al Qaeda leaders as well as late ‘70s-early ‘80s Latin entertainer Charo. Karzai’s fellow politicians, like many here in the States, are either incompetent, corrupt, or both. Like Michael Moore at an all-you-can-eat buffet, Karzai has a full plate. The last thing the man needs is some rookie American politico poking him with a stick.
If Hamid Karzai is worth his mettle, he will recognize President Obama’s posturing for what it is: an empty threat from an empty suit.
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective from Philly. You can visit his blog here.
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