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November 14, 2009
Exclusive: The Empire State Strikes Back
When the late, great Frank Sinatra performed the song “New York, New York,” he crooned that he wanted to wake up in a city that never sleeps. Had the Chairman of the Board lived long enough, he could fulfill his desire to wake up in a state that never pays its bills. The Einsteins in Albany are trying to deal with a deficit that would choke a horse, and Gov. David Paterson is trying to convince the legislature that if $3.2 billion – that’s billion with a “B” – in cuts are not made immediately, the state will go the way of Betamax. At this point, it might be a good idea for someone to hire the Yankees front office to balance the books. At least they have a history of spending boatloads of money and actually getting results.
Politicians apparently do not take the same business courses as baseball people, which is painfully obvious considering the financial destruction President Obama’s “stimulus packages” left in its wake. Heck, some people in Detroit are actually wearing barrels and selling apple cores now! David Paterson doesn’t want to see that in his state. Not because he cares about New York, but because he cares about getting reelected.
So, citing a serious problem, the governor is taking serious action:
Governor David Paterson called an unusual joint session of the Legislature Monday to implore recalcitrant lawmakers to close the state's huge budget gap before New York runs out of money.
To some lawmakers it's nothing more than a photo op to help Paterson get re-elected. But the governor is dead serious. He said if the Legislature doesn't cut the budget now the state could run out of money by next month.
"We're going to run out of cash in four and a half weeks. We are going to run out of money. Unless we do something about it, (it will) threaten generations," Paterson said.
Well, it’s too late for that, big guy. The governor must have a severe case of short-term memory. This is the man who supported 137 tax increases in next year’s budget. 137. The man approved new taxes on soda, clothing, movie tickets, and in an effort to cut down on mob violence, Gov. Paterson is reportedly considering a tax on bodies in the Hudson River. About the only thing that Paterson will not tax is incompetence, which is a shame because New York politicians have that in spades.
Ever since Paterson embraced his tax-and-spend marching orders, his poll numbers are lower than the neckline of Pamela Anderson’s shirts. No one likes him, no one respects him, and no one is buying his signature brand of salad dressings. One would think that the governor would see the writing on the wall, but in true liberal fashion, he decided instead to consult the Politician Excuse Rolodex. In Paterson’s case, he chose Excuse #4: Play the race card.
In an August, 2008 radio interview, Gov. Paterson stated that his unpopularity was due to racism, and claimed that President Obama would eventually be in the same boat. "Part of what I feel is that one very successful minority is permissible; but when you see too many success stories, then some people get nervous,” Paterson explained.
Eh, what? Did the radio tower explode after that comment? Did the host drop to the floor in laughter? Gov. Paterson, the people of New York dislike you for the same reason that they dislike the president, and it has nothing to do with your skin color. It has everything to do with the fact that both of you are trying to tax them back to the Stone Age! People like their money, Governor, and instead of wasting it on exorbitant taxes and fees, they would rather spend it on something worthwhile – like a Snuggie.
Thanks in part to Paterson’s mismanagement, the state of New York now has the highest property taxes in the country. People are fleeing the state faster than Kanye West runs from common sense, and frustrated citizens are echoing the film Escape from New York. If the tax base keeps running for the border, the governor may have to build a 50-foot high wall to keep the money in. Art imitates life, but art usually gives folks a happy ending. If Gov. Paterson cannot pony up the money to balance the budget, the bank accounts of the good people of New York will suffer the same fate as Old Yeller.
It is an old cliché, but if the state is really strapped for cash, maybe Gov. Paterson could look into actually selling the Brooklyn Bridge.
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective from Philly. You can visit his blog here.
Reader Comments: Submit Your Comment (2)
Excellent piece Shawn. I love the line about taxing incompetence.
Thank you, Ben!
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