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August 2, 2008
Exclusive: The MSM: Obama Baracks Their World
Remember when every person in America trusted the media? Remember when the media simply presented the facts, free of opinion and slant? Remember when the media was relevant?
Well, those days are gone forever.
Say hello to the new mainstream media, where news anchors, reporters, and columnists present their special version of the day’s events, complete with enough spin to make an astronaut lose his lunch. No longer will you hear, “Man bites dog,” on the evening news. Nowadays, you will hear, “Evil conservative non-female viciously attacks a sweet, innocent, unarmed pit bull. The criminal also shouts an anti-Semitic slur afterward.”
Sound far-fetched? Not when you consider the recent sugar-shock-inducing love fest that encompassed Barack Obama’s trip to Afghanistan, Iraq, and Europe. The junior senator from Illinois did not just have a few correspondents following him from photo op to photo op: Obama had a team. Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, and Brian Williams shadowed the presumptive Democrat Presidential nominee like feeder fish underneath a tiger shark, hoping for a new piece of information to fall out of his powerful jaws.
Barack Obama’s Mystical Journey of Whimsy, Hope, and Change was no mere media event. It was the Woodstock of 2008, and the mainstream media was eating the brown acid. The resulting “bad trips” were enough to demand a disclaimer before every newscast:
You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Next stop - the Obama Zone!
Luckily for the mainstream media, there is room in the Obama Zone for everyone. And, as such, it gives German reporter-ettes an opportunity to publish stories that would send a diabetic to the emergency room:
“I put my arm around his hip – wow, he didn’t even sweat! WHAT A MAN!”
Yes, that is a direct quote. One has to wonder if the woman needed a cigarette after her chance rendezvous with Obama in the Ritz-Carlton hotel gym. The funny part of this fluff piece – it’s funny, but not “ha, ha” funny – is that this reporter (Judith Bonesky) wrote an entire story about her life-altering experience of being in the same room as an American senator. And her editor actually printed this drivel!
Could you imagine the precedent this would set in the newspaper industry? “Coming this week, a dramatic four-part series detailing Dave Barry’s run-in with Olympia Snow at the Wal-Mart.” No editor in the world would allow such a story to be published. Of course, if the subject were Barack Obama, all bets are off.
Heck, considering the story (and video) Chris Matthews brought back from Obama’s Middle East-apalooza, the “no sweat” propaganda looks like Pulitzer material:
He hit a three-pointer!
Wow, he made a basketball shot from over 20 feet away! That is truly impressive, and it will surely allow Obama to be one of the greatest Presidents of all time. Could Thomas Jefferson or Theodore Roosevelt hit a three-pointer? Hardly. In these troubling times, we need an athlete in the Oval Office. We need a man who can crumple up a pork-laden piece of legislation and toss it into the wastebasket from across the room. That is change we can believe in!
Unfortunately, for Obama’s opponent – that would be John McCain, for those of you who haven’t heard his name in months – the love-fest does not reach the Republican side of the aisle. McCain has not exactly been denigrated in the press, but his punishment has been much worse: he has been ignored. This has caused some resentment amongst American voters, who are seeing through the unfair and imbalanced slant the mainstream media has chosen. That slant may soon reach past the evening news and the weekly magazines.
For example, Barack Obama’s categories on Political Jeopardy would be so slanted in his favor that they would include the following: Basketball, Indonesian Schools, Hope and Change, Black Liberation Theology, Chicago Politics, and Occidental College. Imagine the tally by Final Jeopardy time. “Senator Obama, 100,500. John McCain, 100.”
The polarizing effect upon the country is palpable. In a perfect world, voters would be intelligent, well-informed citizens who knew the facts and the background of the candidates. Naturally, this is not a perfect world, and voters make their decisions by utilizing headlines.
In an astonishing example of irony, this entire election will come down to one man’s vote. This man will be whisked away to a secured location, where he will be given sufficient time to research the candidate’s policies. After finishing his John McCain reading, he will pick up the Barack Obama file . . . and his will drop his glasses, shattering them.
"That's–that's not fair,” the man says. “That's not fair at all. There was time now. There was, was all the time I needed! It's not fair!"
The screen fades to black.
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective from Philly. You can visit his blog here.
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