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August 9, 2008
Exclusive: Nancy Pelosi: Woman of 1,000 Faces
It’s been a very difficult week for Nancy Pelosi. Her fellow representatives, the media, and the American public have hammered the Democrat Speaker of the House on all sides for everything from mortgage bailouts to the skyrocketing energy prices. Normally, a career politician would suffer significant damage from these constant barrages.
Luckily for the Scourge of the Proletariat, those BOTOX injections keep her visage impervious to the slings and arrows of her detractors, and could deflect an explosive round (as well as a clock) from 200 yards away.
Only the shrewdest public servants could navigate these treacherous waters. It would take an Oscar Award-winning performance from a woman who can change her appearance (and demeanor) on a moment’s notice. Nancy Pelosi is not that woman, but that doesn’t mean she won’t give it the old college try.
Last Friday the Speakerette closed the House and effectively ended the debate on offshore drilling. Or did she? The Politico described the scene thusly:
“Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and the Democrats adjourned the House, turned off the lights and killed the microphones, but Republicans are still on the floor talking gas prices.”
With this incredibly juvenile stunt, the Iron Maiden ceased being the Speaker of the House, and immediately became Bumble the Beadle, the workhouse master from Oliver Twist:
John Boehner (R-Ohio) as Oliver Twist: “Please ma’am. We want some more debate.”
Pelosi: “What!”
Boehner: “Please, ma’am. We want some more debate.”
Pelosi: “MORE?”
There were gasps in the House chamber, and many Democrat Representatives went pale. Who was this insufferable little annoyance, and how dare he cross Bumble the Beadle? Allegedly, John Murtha stated that, “I know that boy (Boehner) will be hung.” Of course, the Republican rabble was not hung, and they continued on with the debate, without lights, without microphones, and without the cameras rolling.
Can you imagine the ratings hit C-SPAN must have suffered?
Sure, the stand on Capitol Hill was a political stunt in an election year, but it was an effective one. Whether the Wicked Witch of the West likes it or not, the energy crisis is an issue that Americans are concerned about and the last thing the voters want to see is inaction from their elected officials. Well, more inaction than usual, anyway.
And what is Pelosi’s excuse for ignoring the energy issue? “I’m trying to save the planet.” From the looks of things, she will do so by any means necessary. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Nancy X:
“My fellow Democrats. The current administration has lied to you. We’ve been hoodwinked, bamboozled, run amok, and George Bush is the root of this evil. He wants to destroy the planet, and kill us all. We didn’t land on Crawford, Texas. Crawford, Texas landed on us!”
The savvy Pelosi was wise enough to cut these crucial, self-damning lines out of her script: “No, we've never seen democracy! All we've seen is hypocrisy!”
Speaking of hypocrisy, Pelosi reportedly believes that all bets are off on the energy fatwa if it means she and her Democrat minions may lose some House seats. Again, from The Politico:
“But what looks like intraparty tension on the surface is part of an intentional strategy in which Pelosi takes the heat on energy policy, while behind the scenes she’s encouraging vulnerable Democrats to express their independence if it helps them politically, according to Democratic aides on and off Capitol Hill.”
With the possible exception of Hillary Clinton, has there ever been a woman who so effectively deflected attention from her own incompetence? She is the 21st century’s version of Gladys Kravitz:
“Abner! ABNER!! Look at what the Republicans are doing!!! They are suggesting we drill for oil!” (Whispers) “Oh, and I told our guys they could back it if it would help get them reelected. Keep it under your hat, Abner.”
Nancy Pelosi has taken on so many roles in the last few weeks that one has to wonder when her true self will finally emerge. It will probably occur during the next Iraq/Afghanistan debate:
“We need to bring our troops home, and scale down our military as a whole. We can start with the Air Force. From now on, no. . . military . . . hangars. No military hangars, ever!”
Mommy Dearest, indeed. Does anyone remember what Pelosi said when she began her hostile takeover of the House of Representatives?
“I accept this gavel in the spirit of partnership, not partisanship.”
This was to be her greatest role: a role similar to Heath Ledger’s Joker in The Dark Knight. And similarly, both she and The Joker share the same makeup artist. But unlike Ledger’s amazing, memorable performance, Pelosi just phoned this one in. No, this Dark Knight for the Speaker of the House. In fact, it may be her Ishtar - a monumental flop.
FamilySecurityMatters.org's official satirist, Shawn Goodwin, is a blogger and police detective from Philly. You can visit his blog here.
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